Merry Frickin' Christmas
by Unlucky Talisman
Summary: OC Centered. Loosely Based off of the song Merry Frickin' Chrismas. I sucked at romance, so this is kinda cheesey and fast... still should be good for a laugh though. Its also alternate reality... Minato, Kushina and the Uchiha are alive. And yeah I bit some jokes from Family Guy and Home Movies..I couldn't help it though, they fit so well!


Five minutes.

Half the students were watching the clock, the other half was messing around. All of them were driving the teacher insane.

Yukio was scribbling on his worksheet, trying to ignore the semi-chaos around him.

"You really should do that worksheet," Matthew said, sitting beside Yukio.

"Or use it for spit wads," Taiyou added, plopping down in the open seat on the other side of Yukio.

"Nah," Yukio replied, glancing at the clock.

Four Minutes.

Yukio groaned and let himself slide down so his knees hit the end of his desk.

"This about Christmas?" Matthew asked.

Yukio nodded, and glanced to the other side of the room, where his "nemesis" sat.

"Yeah, why d'ya hate Christmas anyways? It's the best time of the year!" Taiyou asked being ignorant of the goings-on during the holidays in the village.

"Well, every year the villagers throw this big pot luck type of dinner thing for Christmas," Matthew said.

"The whole thing is ran by Lord Fourth," Yukio solemnly stated. "And my family always goes."

"Not seeing the problem…" Taiyou said, tilting his head.

"Shira is Minato's daughter, so he forces her to go," Matthew began. "And Yukio's father always makes him too."

"And the whole time the grown-ups are too busy to notice her trying to destroy me," Yukio muttered. "And then I get in trouble for whatever…"

"Yeah, so Yukio kinda hates Christmas." Matthew said.

"How come I never knew this?" Taiyou asked.

"You always go home for break." Yukio mumbled, checking the clock.

Three minutes.

'Too fast…' Yukio thought.

On the other side of the room, Shira and Hiro were sitting and talking.

"You comin' this year?" Shira asked.

"Gotta. Bro said I ain't social enough. Plus, he said everyone gets a gift. Can't miss that," Hiro replied, aiming her slingshot at her teacher.

"Great. You can help me mess with Yukio." Shira said, smiling deviously.

"You could just admit you like him," A voice behind them said. "He'll live longer that way."  
"Shut up Raiden," Shira growled, taking a swing at him. "I don't like that reject."

"Sure," He replied sarcastically, dodging the fist. "That's why you're blushing."

"Quit it," Hiro said, grabbing Shira's arm before she could go after Raiden. "Both of you."

"Yeah," Raiden sat on the girls' desk. "Whatever. Just stop trying to beat up Yukio."

"I don't see why you care," Shira grumbled, sitting back in her chair. "It's not like you two are friends."

Raiden shrugged and pointed to the calendar. "Even if we're not friends, its Christmas time. Good will towards man, and all that?"

Shira groaned and crossed her arms over her stomach. "That," She said, gesturing to Yukio, "is not a man."

"It doesn't mean that kind of man," Raiden sighed. "It means man-kind. Ya know, humans?"

Shira just sighed and looked at the clock.

Two minutes.

"So," Hiro started, looking up at Raiden. "You got plans this holiday?"

Raiden thought for a minute, and then groaned. "Yeah. Dinner with my aunt. She's in the Snow Village, so I gotta leave soon."

"Oh…" Hiro looked down.

"Change 'em, buddy boy." Shira broke into the conversation. "You're gonna have a Konoha Christmas this year."

"My aunt will flip!" Raiden's face adopted a very rare scared expression.

"Yeah, but…" Shira trailed off then nodded toward Hiro.

Raiden looked at Hiro, who looked completely dejected. "Oh… I guess I could explain things to her."

Hiro looked at Raiden. "You don't have to. I don't want you in trouble."

Raiden smiled, "No worries." He hopped off the desk. "She'll be cool with it." He went back to his seat.

"You're a jerk." Hiro mumbled.

"I know." Shira grinned. "But he would've noticed, I mean… subtly isn't your strong point."

"I think it runs in the family," She glanced at the clock.

One minute.

At this point nearly every student was off the walls.

"At least we won't have to worry about any assignments," Yukio stated.

"Don't run out right away," Iruka said. Every student groaned and glared at Yukio. Iruka didn't seem to notice and continued. "You have an assignment. I want you to write about the season, and what it means to you, and what you like most about it." He set the assignment list down on his desk.

The bell rang and all the students bolted out of the classroom.

Yukio, who had lagged behind, picked up the assignment and groaned, "This. Sucks." He walked outside, waved to his two friends, then walked home, though he stopped dead when he got there. "The heck…?"

His house was a Christmas nightmare. The lights were so plentiful and bright they could clearly be seen in the midday sun. Little ceramic elves "ran" around the front of the property, while wicker, lighted deer "grazed" and greeted anyone who might come. To top everything off, a life-sized Santa was on their roof, sleigh and all, along with Santa's nine deer.

"It looks like Christmas vomited all over our house." His voice was awed as he spoke to the designer.

"Shut up, nerd," Sasuke, his elder by five years, retorted.

"Dad's gonna kill you," Yukio was still awed. "You did THIS all today?"

"Yep," Sasuke hopped off the roof. "I know it's bad, but-"

"You and Naruto having another stupid contest?" Yukio asked, not really expecting an answer.

"Shut up. Mom wants the three of us to trim the tree," Sasuke started inside their home, mumbling some type of comparison of his brothers.

"Aw, cool!" Yukio's mood was instantly lifted. "'Tachi's gonna be home this year?"

Sasuke mumbled an incoherent "yes" before disappearing inside.

Yukio grinned and followed his older brother. "You didn't do the inside?" His smile melded to a pout as he looked around the house.

"It took me this long to do the outside, and this doesn't matter anyway."

"You want the outside to glow like the sun, but the inside can be plain?" Itachi kicked off his shoes, and joined his brothers in the living room.

"Can we just do the tree?" Sasuke groaned.

"Mom might like it if we decorated a bit," Yukio sat on the couch. "It'd rack us up points too."

"That doesn't work." Sasuke said.

"Dude, every year we do extra stuff, Santa gives us more or better stuff. You can't tell me you haven't noticed."

Itachi spoke, cutting off Sasuke, "Even if we don't get points, it'll give us something to do. Mom and Dad haven't brought home the tree yet."

"Actually…" Sasuke shifted in his position against the wall before continuing, "I was supposed to get a tree this morning…"

Yukio could feel his heart break.

Itachi sighed, "So, instead of getting our tree, you worked on that fiasco outside?"

Sasuke realized his tragic error in judgment, "Y-yes."

Itachi shook his head, "Oh Sasuke…" He paused to think. "You stay here and decorate, since you're the expert, and Yukio and I will go get a tree.

Sasuke wanted to argue, but he knew he wouldn't win. He sighed and nodded, watching his brothers leave the house.

Across town, at the Namikaze residence, commonly referred to as the Hokage's mansion, Shira was just arriving home from school.

"Uh… Noob?" Shira looked up at her brother, and the Christmas mess he had created.

"Yeah, Shira?" Naruto looked down at her, smiling widely.

"Do Mom and Dad know you did this?" She gawked at their house, which Naruto had practically transformed into a Christmas tree, complete with lights and all types of decorations.

"Yeah," Naruto said, grinning. "Mom even helped."

No sooner had he said that, had the star of top set aglow, and carefully positioned lights reading, "Merry Christmas", blinked and flashed, followed by an appearance by the aforementioned kunoichi. "How's it look?" she called down to her youngest child.

"Like father time and mother nature had a baby, and dumped the after birth on our house," even though she mumbled the words, Kushina still proceeded in nailing her in the head with a snowball. "Ow!"

"Don't talk like that." Kushina jumped down to admire her and her son's work. "And besides, you're wrong. This looks amazing."

"Yeah!" Naruto chimed in. "All we need is the train set and the presents!"

"You two are insane." Shira groaned, but they were too busy making plans to notice, so she went inside and towards her father's office. "Ironic… I live in a giant Christmas tree, but there's a lack of one in the house."

"Actually," Minato appeared, smiling. "I thought we could work on the inside of the house, since your mother and Naruto have taken over the outside."

"Okay," Shira's voice was practically inaudible.

"Something wrong?" Minato asked, opening the door leading to the basement. He started down the stairs, motioning Shira to follow.

She shrugged, following her father, "I just… I don't know." She couldn't explain what she felt, but it didn't feel good.

Minato, knowing Shira wasn't good with emotions, decided to inquire further. "Did something happen at school?"

"Kinda," she mumbled.

"Anything you need to talk about?" He reached the bottom, turned on the lights, then started towards the Christmas decorations stowed in the far corner.

"It's…" She trailed off.

"It's?" He repeated, trying to prompt her to continue. When he still received no answer, he turned to his daughter. "Are you okay?" When she started to shake, he walked over and hugged her. "Honey, what's wrong?"

She just clung to him, crying for a few moments before deciding to explain her feelings.

While Shira was having her breakdown, Yukio was following Itachi through the forest, the two on the hunt for a tree.

"Hey, 'Tachi?" Yukio was walking at a rather quick rate, in a hurry to finish their task.

"Yes?" Itachi responded, watching his brother bound through the snow.

"Why do you always have to clean up Sasuke's messes?" Yukio jumped over a mound of snow, only to lose his footing and fall into a pile of snow. He jumped back to his feet, blushing from embarrassment.

Itachi smiled at his brother's antics, "Because he's my brother, and that's what brothers do for each other." Yukio pouted, and Itachi's smile turned into a devious one. "Besides, he's going to be in enough trouble for what he did to the house."

Yukio grinned, "True, and he'll probably get in even more trouble too."

"And why's that?" Itachi kept walking, looking for any remaining pine trees.

"'Cuz Mom and Dad'll be home 'fore we get there, and they'll know Sasuke never got a tree." Yukio followed Itachi, rubbing his palms together.

"Can't you try to get along with Sasuke, at least for the holidays?"

"Why? He's never nice to me." Yukio pouted once more and crossed his hands over his chest.

"Sasuke does his best." Itachi caught the once again bounding Yukio. He sighed mentally at his brother's hyper-ness, then released the boy. "You need to try too. Christmas is about being with loved ones, and trying to get along."

"But all that stuff's hard."

"Just remember 'good will towards men' before you do anything to anyone, including Sasuke."

Yukio started to make an ignorant remark, when he spotted the perfect, and only, tree. "'Tachi, look!" He took off toward the tree.

Itachi followed his preteen brother, and looked at the behemoth in front of him. "Uh, Yukio…"

Said boy was grinning at his older brother, and leaning against the tree. "Great, right?"

Itachi wanted to protest the tree, but their choices were limited. It was the giant tree, or one of the scraggly, almost dead twigs surrounding it. After weighing the options, he began to chop down Yukio's choice.

After several hours, at the Namikaze household, Shira and Minato were just finishing decorating, and Naruto and Kushina were just coming in.

"Aw! No fair!" Naruto whined. "I wanted to do the inside."

"I figured you two would be tired, so Shira and I did it," Minato smiled at Shira, receiving a nod in return.

"Still," Kushina started, admiring the work they did. "It's so plain."

"You mean normal?" Shira put the last of the garland on the tree. "Not all of us enjoy living like a squirrel." She sat in the chair beside their couch, slumping down.

"Stop being a scrooge, or you won't get nothing for Christmas," Naruto stuck his tongue out and started to put ornaments on the tree. "Or do you want coal again? Remember, Santa doesn't like Grinches."

Kushina sat on the couch, "Santa also doesn't like boys who switch their sister's gifts." She turned to Shira. "Is something wrong?"

Shira looked at her mom then sighed. "I don't wanna go to the Christmas party this year…" She flinched, expecting to he yelled at or whacked, but instead she just saw her mom looked concerned.

"Why not, Honey?" Kushina looked over Shira and instantly noticed. "Were you crying?"

"N-no way…" Shira didn't want to admit to her mom, or anyone for that matter, that she had broken down. "There's just someone I'd rather avoid seeing…"

"Who?" Kushina contemplated for a minute, then looked angry. "Is someone beating you up? 'Cause if they are?" She sounded her fist into her hand.

"No!" She practically fell out of the chair from fright. 'It's practically the opposite of that.' She thought.

"No?" Kushina's anger quickly deflated. She thought for a moment, then smiled in a nearly diabolical way. "You avoiding someone you have a crush on?"

Shira blushed bright red. "No way!"

Kushina grinned and pulled Shira to her feet, quickly trapping her in a bear hug. "Oh, my baby's first crush! Who is it?"

Naruto snickered, "I bet it's Sasuke's little brother. There's obviously something there."

"Shut it, or I'll send your notebook to your never be lover!" Shira struggled to break her mom's embrace, to no avail.

"Oh, enough fighting," Kushina was in too good a mood to hit either child. "Need boy advice?"

"I already talked to Dad about it," Shira mumbled then sat in Kushina's lap, giving into the younger part of her personality. "I just don't wanna go…"

Kushina held Shira, then glared at Minato, "What did you tell her?"

"Just that she should get him something, or at least apologize," Minato had been trying to let his wife handle the situation henceforth, but knew he couldn't avoid the conversation any longer. "Shira, you can't skip the party."

"Why? 'Cuz I'm your daughter, and it makes you look bad?" Shira looked at him.

"No, I would never make you go just for that," Minato sat beside his wife, and smiled at Shira. "It's because it's also your birthday party."

"And, ya know, you can't have a birthday party without the birthday girl," Kushina added, smiling.

Shira looked confused, "Seriously?"

"Duh," Naruto grinned. "Why else d'ja think you got more presents than anyone?"

"I had no idea…" Shira thought for a moment. "Alright… I'll go."

On the other side of the village, Sasuke and Itachi are setting up the tree, while Yukio sat going through the decorations of years past.

Sasuke groaned as he tried to pull the tree into the stand, "You guys just had to get the biggest tree…"

"We could've had a normal sized one, if you had gone out earlier like you were told to," Itachi pushed the tree once more, finally getting it in the stand.

"Why'd you work so hard on the outside, but just throw anything anywhere in here?" Yukio looked around the house, noticing how lazily the decorations had been placed. He and Itachi had been gone a good amount of time, so he couldn't understand the sloppiness in Sasuke's work.

"I was tired, okay?" He looked up at the tree. "Do we even have enough ornaments and stuff for this thing?"

Itachi shrugged, "Don't know." He motioned for Yukio to bring the box over.

Yukio pulled the box over. "This is all that was down there."

Sasuke groaned once again, "There's not enough."

"You start this. I'm going to take Yukio and fix the "decorating" you did in here." Itachi led Yukio out.

The two got a good portion of the decoration fixed up before their parents got home.

"Who the hell did this!?" They heard their father yell, before he and their mother entered, t he latter going straight to Yukio and Itachi.

"Good evening, boys." Mikoto smiled and hugged both boys.

Yukio hugged her back. "Dad didn't like Sasuke's renovations outside?"

She giggled, "No, not really." She looked around the room. "What are you two doing?"

Itachi replaced another decoration neatly on the wall. "Just fault checking Sasuke's work."

"Yeah, but it ain't easy. He messed up a lot. I mean, just look at that abortion outside. Then all this, and the big one in the living room." Yukio stretched his arms out and yawned.

"I was meaning to ask about the tree." Mikoto sighed. "He went out too late, right?"

"I guess you could say that," Itachi replied.

Yukio grinned, "We actually went out for him, which is better, 'cuz I found the best tree in the forest."

'Well, if they like the tree…' She thought.

Itachi stood straight. "I think that's it. I'm going to see if I can keep dad from murdering Sasuke." He walked into the living room.

Yukio was going to head to his room, but he stopped. "Mom, you know the party next week?"

"Well, yes, honey. We go every year."

"Yeah… I was thinking of staying home this year…"

"Why, honey?" She was ignorant of the situation involving the party.

"Because… I kind of don't want to…" He trailed off, not knowing if he should tell. Mikoto looked at him, waiting for him to finish his sentence. He sighed and just blurted out the truth, "I don't want to get maimed again… Every year Shira bullies me the entire time and I don't want her to do it again…"

Mikoto hugged Yukio closely, "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"Because…"

She sighed, already knowing she wouldn't get an answer. "Well, if you really don't want to go.." She was cut off by Fugaku entering the room.

"What don't you want to go to?" Fugaku asked.

"The… Christmas party." Yukio said in a near inaudible tone.

"You have to go. I don't trust you home alone, and you're there as a representative of the clan," Fugaku's tone was stern, and Yukio didn't want to fight. Anything to do with the clan was a losing battle for him.

Mikoto started to explains things to her husband, but Yukio shook his head, "Alright, I'll go…"

The following week was the party. The was roughly one hour before anyone was expected. At the Hokage's mansion, the yearly argument was beginning.

"I'm not wearing that!" Shira screamed from her bedroom.

"You have to look nice." Kushina handed Shira the dress she was holding. "Beside, you'll look adorable."

"I don't care! It's girly!" Shira pouted. "Why can't I just wear my normal clothes?"

"Because you have to look nice, I told you that, honey," Kushina smiled. "Now try it on."

"Never!" Shira tried to run past Kushina but failed.

Naruto flinched, "Should we step in?"

Minato, who was fixing Naruto's tie, shook his head, "No, I think they should work this out amongst themselves."

Naruto grinned, "You're just scared." He slid his jacket on.

As if avoiding the subject completely, Minato headed to the door. "Coming?"

"Maybe I should stay and," A lamp flew out of Shira's room. "Right behind ya!" He bolted out past his father.

On the other side of the village, the Uchiha family was getting ready for the upcoming event.

"I look like a magician!" Yukio was pulling at the collar of his tuxedo.

"No, you don't sweetie," Mikoto was fixing his tie and doing a final once over. "You look handsome."

"Nah," Sasuke interrupted, studying his brother. "You look like a waiter in a restaurant with no child labor laws."

"At least I don't look like a Christmas pimp!" Yukio screamed.

"Shut up, punk. At least mom doesn't have to dress me." Sasuke smirked.

"Your shirt's buttoned wrong, honey," Mikoto stood and turned to Sasuke, then started fixing his mistake.

Sasuke blushed, and Yukio laughed mockingly and pointed, "At least I have an excuse! I'm ten! You're fifteen, and mom still has to help you!"

Before Sasuke said anything, Mikoto whacked both boys. "You two better be on your best behavior tonight." Then she proceeded to fix their hair.

They both muttered something saying they understood, and watched their mother leave.

"Try not to embarrass us this year," Sasuke walked out as their father yelled that it was time to go.

Yukio groaned and followed his family out. 'Man, I have a bad feeling about this…' he thought.

The food district, the site of the party, was overdone with decorations. All the stores were going all out with the food they had prepared, and their all-out presentation. Christmas music was playing just loud enough to be heard, and guests were just starting to arrive.

Minato was doing a final walk through, when Kushina approached him. "Did you and Shira find a compromise about her attire?"

Kushina nodded, "We decided that I was right."

Minato chuckled nervously, "Well, that's good to hear." He looked around. "Where is Shira?"

"With her friends. Why?"

"No reason."

After all the guests had arrived, and the party got going, Shira and Hiro decided to make an appearance from the dango shop.

"You girls look good," Raiden was waiting for them. "Just getting here?"

"Uh, yeah," Hiro replied. Her brother had made her dress up as well, so she was feeling kind of shy.

"Ah," He looked to Shira. "Why so down in the dumps?"

"Just hungry…" Shira mumbled.

"You just came out of a dango shop. Didn't you eat?" Both girls shook their heads. He continued, "Why? Ya broke?"

"Ya don't need money, my dad pays for everything."

Raiden nodded then whispered to Hiro, "She okay?"

Hiro shrugged, "Not sure."

He thought for a minute, "How about we get something to eat? It might cheer you up."

Before Shira could answer, Naruto ran over, "Shira you gotta see this!" He grabbed her arm and pulled her to the center of the party. "Grandma Tsunade's lost it!"

Said kunoichi was stumbling through the crowd, drunk, singing an abridged version of a Christmas song, "Seven maids a-milkin', six maids a-milkin', FIVE MAIDS A-MIL-" She was cut off when she slipped on a wooden train set left out by one of the younger kids. Her only reply was, "My eggnog!"

Naruto was laughing hysterically, and Shira couldn't help but chuckle.

"Knew that'd cheer you up." Naruto grinned at Shira.

She smiled back, "Thanks."

"I'll find you if anything else happens." The blonde hugged his younger sister, and then ran over to his friends.

She nodded and looked around, instantly noticing the person she wanted to avoid. Her friends were nowhere in sight, so she could just hope he didn't notice her.

On the other side of the crowd stood Yukio. He had been following Itachi and his girlfriend around, so they ended up at the scene where Tsunade had drawn so much attention. He looked around almost instantly noticing Shira. Itachi was busy trying to console the drunken sannin, and he was bored of following him anyway, so he made his way over to the white haired trouble-maker.

As Shira noticed his approach, she sighed mentally, 'Great, he's gonna razz me over the dress.' She thought.

"You clean up nice, Namikaze," He walked up to her casually, hoping he wouldn't regret it.

"I could say the same to, Yu-yu." She knew he hated that nickname. She could still rip on the little nerd, so she felt better.

"You… wanna hang out?" Said nerd asked. "Matt didn't show…and you're better than my brothers…"

That disarmed her. "Fine… if it'll keep you from whining."

The two set off into the crowd. They wandered for a bit before coming to a rather peculiar scene.

"Isn't that…" Yukio started but trailed off.

"Pervy Sage…" Shira groaned.

The two watched Jiraiya, or Pervy Sage as Naruto and Shira referred to him as, go girl to girl handing them each something. Before either could ponder what it was, he slide in front of Shira and handed her a paper.

"Happy birthday and Merry Christmas, kiddo," Jiraiya smiled at her, and then moved on.

"What is it?" Yukio asked, trying to see the gift that had been bestowed to her.

She flipped it then groaned, "A picture of that punk… in a speedo." She shuddered and shoved it in her pocket, already having revenge in mind.

The two walked for a bit longer, but were quickly forced to move on by either loud, drunk adults, or screaming kids. Yukio suggested that they go to a restaurant, and Shira agreed. They went as far as they could, reaching a lone stand selling fruitcake. The vendor was gone, so they leaned against the stand and started talking.

Several hours had passed before either of them knew it. Their respective families had gotten worried, and were calling for the two. Yukio looked up, not knowing where the voices were coming from. That's when he saw it.

Shira stood straight and stretched out. "I guess we should go."

"Wait a minute…" Yukio gestured above them.

She looked up, then back at him. She opened her mouth to speak, but anything she was going to say was cut off by a quick kiss from Yukio. She blushed, and just stood there, astonished.

"Happy birthday, Shira," He was blushing and speaking fast. "See you on Christmas." He bolted off to his waiting family.

She quickly snapped out of it, and ran back to her family as well.

Her parents were seeing guests off, so she leaned beside Naruto.

He grinned at her, "You look better. Have fun?"

"Ya know, I actually did," She tried to hide her smile.

Naruto's grin widely, "Good. No one should be sad at Christmas time."

"Merry frickin' Christmas, ya noob." Shira smiled and hugged him.


End file.
